Rebekah Brooks

10 Jul
Rebekah Brooks

Rebekah Brooks

To add to her faults, Rebekah Brooks is meant to be a bit homophobic. The Evening Standard interviewed Chris Bryant, one of the (few) MPs who worked tirelessly to uncover the News Of The World’s phone-hacking. He recounted an experience of meeting Rebekah (then Brooks) at a party or something.

She came up to me and said, ‘Oh, Mr Bryant, it’s after dark — shouldn’t you be on Clapham Common?”

“At which point Ross Kemp [the ex-EastEnders actor and her then husband] said, ‘Shut up, you homophobic cow’.”

However, I think she’s totally worthy of being on this blog, because there’s something so lesbiany about her. So as not to be libellous, the decision to include her here is nothing to do with the rumours (RUMOURS) that suggest (SUGGEST) that her and Ross Kemp were only ever in a marriage of convenience, so that each of them could allegedly (ALLEGEDLY) cover up their respective same-sex dalliances. There are other things that make her sexy to lesbians. Like a Hitchcock vamp, she’s not bosomy or faux-coy, but a cold-hearted bitch. My source says that Brooks “pretended” to cry when she told all NOTW staff that they’d be sacked so as to save her lushly-coiffed head. She’s also incredibly powerful: her resignation was refused by James Murdoch, leading conspiracists to believe that she has “something” on the Murdochs. To have “something” on the man who has a media influence of about 5 billion people is simultaneously scary and sexy (unless you’re French, in which case it’s just sexy).

One of the biggest complaints about the news media last week was launched at the tabloids for their reluctance to give proportional (read: front page) coverage to the phone-hacking scandal. MY biggest complaint is that they’ve failed to treat her how they normally treat women by focusing on a symbiotic link between a woman’s image and her work. If they’d looked solely at her aesthetics, they would have gleaned that:

1. She’s a bit of alright.

2. If you plonk a ginger wig atop Kate Middleton’s lollipop head, you get Rebekah Brooks.

3. It’s not entirely ridiculous to suggest that she could be played by the beautiful Amy Adams in the film all about this. (No surprises as to who Michael Sheen would play. I’m vying for a shar pei in glasses to channel Murdoch.)

4. She is very possibly from a parallel universe where Nicole Kidman didn’t use Botox.

So, we know she’s fit. But is Rebekah’s hair lesbiany? Yes. Why? Because of the 90s. Her hair is massively 90s, and 90s seems to be big in the queer scene right now. Also, she’s powerful and sexy and mean. She might not deserve to retain her role as CEO of News International, but she certainly deserves to be here. We’re crushing hard.

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3 Responses to “Rebekah Brooks”

  1. kaz July 12, 2011 at 12:31 am #

    Were did u get this photo?send it to the guardian please!
    i hate these “feminists”that then heavily use seduction,flirtation as their main tool with male bosses powerfulmen etc.
    she gets my goat bad.she uses everyone in her purely ego driven capitalist ascent.
    i betcha its dyed red or permed but nice hair..

  2. Monika Ciapala (@merdesign) August 6, 2011 at 12:57 am #

    “If you plonk a ginger wig atop Kate Middleton’s lollipop head, and you get Rebekah Brooks.”
    Nearly pissed myself with laughter reading that bit.
    Great post, as always.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The New Gay » TV: Rebekah Brooks – Evil, Lesbian-Haired Beauty - July 21, 2011

    […] up what Bekah’s laying down.  In a post that positively capers with Britishness, LesbianHair sums up Ms. Brooks’ blithely bad-bitch ‘do as such: (courtesy ssoosay, […]

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