Tag Archives: academy awards

Tilda Swinton

31 May
Tilda Swinton by Craig McDean

Tilda Swinton by Craig McDean (I know, I thought it was Bowie, too)

‘ethereal’

Okay, now I’ve got that one out of the way, we need to talk about Tilda Swinton. In the wake of Cannes’ preview screenings of We Need To Talk About Kevin, people have been fawning all over her, and there’s no wonder why.

The film is going to be sooooo great. Based on Lionel Shriver’s 2003 bestseller of the same name, the epistolary novel is an itchingly unsettling stare-out with the hideous paranoias (and realities) of parenting and being a child. Just as the great Celine Dion says, the book is for all the children in the world and all the parents in the world. That is: fucking everybody. In theory. Funnily enough, the author, Lionel Shriver, doesn’t have any children. It’s easy to see why, though, if her expectations of childrearing are signalled in the book. I’m not sure Tilda is the best person for this role: she seems too stoic, too distant. However, without giving the game away, it’s going to be easier for audience to feel safe from Kevin if his evil is not solely manifested by his nature, but attributable to his nurture/his mother. And I have a sneaking suspicion that Tilda’s not as harsh as she comes across on mainstream celluloid.

If you haven’t already art-wanked over all the Derek Jarman collaborations, you’ll recognise Tilda’s androgynous, razor-featured visage from small, yet integral parts in Hollywood fare such as The Curious Case of Benjamin and The Beach. Oh come on, you definitely know her. She’s snogged both Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio. AND she’s probably the most boyish person George Clooney will admit to snogging – as can be seen in Burn After Reading – and also won an Oscar for another performance alongside the coffee-flogging eternal bachelor, in the fantastic thriller Michael Clayton.

Her sex life is seen as controversial, because she has children with an older man and sex with a younger man and they all live happily in the same wind-whipped mansion up a hill in Scotland. But TBH, it just makes her sexier: that a woman with no obvious interpretation of femininity (just look at the hair) can fuck who she likes, is so refreshing. Even if she’s not sleeping with women, she remains a role model to any woman who is a bit of a misfit, but (unlike Gaga, who wants to paint us all as freaks and monsters), doesn’t self-identify as one.

Her hair sums it all up. Ginger or icy blonde, it’s always a perfect combination of mess and precision.

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Annette Bening

27 Feb
Annette Bening

Annette Bening

In honour of tonight’s Academy Awards, I thought I’d give a nod to Annette Bening. It’s hardly like she’ll pick up the Oscar for Best Actress. We’re more likely to see James Franco’s withered rotting arm win Best Actor than anyone but Natalie Portman walk away with the coveted accolade for best leading lady. However, Annette’s performance in The Kids Are All Right is not to be played down. There’s a crucial moment (I’m going to pretend you haven’t watched it) in the film where you can feel your own blood boiling along with hers.

Her hair has been short for various stages of her career. Although it was super short in recent years – in Kids and American Beauty – it doesn’t seem lesbiany enough. Maybe because, even though she was playing a lesbian in Kids, she (as well as the other leads, played by Mark Ruffalo and Julianne Moore) was so unlikeable. Plus, this 90s cut looks a lot more chilled out and natural.

In terms of her actual sexuality, it’s a shame, because she’s still a banger, but she’s got to be a billion per cent straight in order to keep husband and babe-magnet Warren Beatty in check.

Natalie Portman

31 Jan
Natalie Portman

Natalie Portman, 2005.

I finally saw Darren Aronofsky’s multi-award winning, Oscar nominated Black Swan. It’s beautiful and heartbreaking, if you can get past other audience members’ guffaws. The lesbian sex scene (I’m not giving anything away, am I?) is as hot as everyone says it is, but it has more than an undercurrent of nasty to it. And not good nasty.

Although neither Natalie Portman nor Mila Kunis have been in a lesbian sex scene before, Mila played young Gia Carangi, in 1998’s HBO series Gia. (The older version of the heroin-addled lesbian supermodel was played by Angelina Jolie, and she got a Golden Globe for it. If you fancy girls, and haven’t watched it already, smack yourself in the head right now. Actually, even if you’re not a lesbian or a ‘red-blooded’ male, smack yourself in the head. Then watch it. Ange is so fit she can manipulate even your deepest natural pyschological inclinations)

And, uh, Natalie has never really played lesbian before, BUT OMGZ look at HUR HAARZ in V for Vendetta!