Tag Archives: curly hair

Rebekah Brooks

10 Jul
Rebekah Brooks

Rebekah Brooks

To add to her faults, Rebekah Brooks is meant to be a bit homophobic. The Evening Standard interviewed Chris Bryant, one of the (few) MPs who worked tirelessly to uncover the News Of The World’s phone-hacking. He recounted an experience of meeting Rebekah (then Brooks) at a party or something.

She came up to me and said, ‘Oh, Mr Bryant, it’s after dark — shouldn’t you be on Clapham Common?”

“At which point Ross Kemp [the ex-EastEnders actor and her then husband] said, ‘Shut up, you homophobic cow’.”

However, I think she’s totally worthy of being on this blog, because there’s something so lesbiany about her. So as not to be libellous, the decision to include her here is nothing to do with the rumours (RUMOURS) that suggest (SUGGEST) that her and Ross Kemp were only ever in a marriage of convenience, so that each of them could allegedly (ALLEGEDLY) cover up their respective same-sex dalliances. There are other things that make her sexy to lesbians. Like a Hitchcock vamp, she’s not bosomy or faux-coy, but a cold-hearted bitch. My source says that Brooks “pretended” to cry when she told all NOTW staff that they’d be sacked so as to save her lushly-coiffed head. She’s also incredibly powerful: her resignation was refused by James Murdoch, leading conspiracists to believe that she has “something” on the Murdochs. To have “something” on the man who has a media influence of about 5 billion people is simultaneously scary and sexy (unless you’re French, in which case it’s just sexy).

One of the biggest complaints about the news media last week was launched at the tabloids for their reluctance to give proportional (read: front page) coverage to the phone-hacking scandal. MY biggest complaint is that they’ve failed to treat her how they normally treat women by focusing on a symbiotic link between a woman’s image and her work. If they’d looked solely at her aesthetics, they would have gleaned that:

1. She’s a bit of alright.

2. If you plonk a ginger wig atop Kate Middleton’s lollipop head, you get Rebekah Brooks.

3. It’s not entirely ridiculous to suggest that she could be played by the beautiful Amy Adams in the film all about this. (No surprises as to who Michael Sheen would play. I’m vying for a shar pei in glasses to channel Murdoch.)

4. She is very possibly from a parallel universe where Nicole Kidman didn’t use Botox.

So, we know she’s fit. But is Rebekah’s hair lesbiany? Yes. Why? Because of the 90s. Her hair is massively 90s, and 90s seems to be big in the queer scene right now. Also, she’s powerful and sexy and mean. She might not deserve to retain her role as CEO of News International, but she certainly deserves to be here. We’re crushing hard.

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Keira Knightley and Elisabeth Moss

31 Mar
Keira Knightley and Elisabeth Moss

Keira Knightley and Elisabeth Moss

The Children’s Hour, written in 1934 by Lillian Hellman and now showing at London’s Comedy Theatre, is a flawed play. It’s difficult to believe that a child could bring about the demise of a whole school and three adults’ lives simply through a bit of gossipmongering. But once you get past that, Ian Rickson’s production is mostly made of brilliance. The set, an imposing gothic structure, turns to shit as the characters’ lives do likewise. Living legend Ellen Burstyn, who’s been onstage for half a century, doesn’t seem weathered, but seasoned and perfected through experience. Her voice, though crackly and heartbreaking (who can forget her turn in Requiem for a Dream?), carried so well it felt like she was crumbling beside me. Elisabeth Moss, usually mousey and timid as Don Draper’s secretary, Peggy Olsen in Mad Men, was unnessecarily shouty during the first act, but perhaps this would be different when not viewed from the second row. The seating wasn’t all bad, though. Not only could I see the spit from the actresses’ mouths, but the tears rolling down their faces.

Bryony Hannah who played the catalyst of the tears, made the role of an annoying taddle tale excruciatingly annoying, and the bloke who played the frustrated fiance was bearable. Keira Knightley, though possessing an accent with an almagated provenance of Boston, Bangor and Louisiana, was faultless, non-verbally. By clutching a cardigan and cowering, she manages to evoke a plethora of emotions; fear, fright, apprehension, relief. And she’s so bloody gorgeous that Elisabeth Moss wouldn’t even need to stare at her for the audience to believe there’s some lust going on there.

And kudos to Keira for putting herself out there. Many other actresses of her supposed milieu could never manage or dare to tread the boards (I mean you, Jessica Alba) and you can tell that this is where she feels most in control of her own performance.

If you haven’t caught The Children’s Hour, then don’t worry. The 1962 film, which featured Audrey Hepburn in Keira’s role, Shirley MacLaine in Elisabeth’s role and James Garner as the bloke. It’s fantastic – the only thing you’ll be missing out on Ellen Burstyn’s incredible performance.

Ahem. Now to the important part. The hair. Keira’s attracted lesbian glances since the Domino-era crop, and although her current hair (for the role)  is dowdy, it is very lesbiany. A bluntly-cut bob is that perfect “I’m so pretty/lesbiany that I genuinely don’t give a fuck” and the hairclip shows restraint, a desire to stick within conventional societal boundaries (of sexuality? maybe). Elisabeth Moss’s hair isn’t so much lesbiany as resentful-lesbiany. It’s screaming “I AM NOT A LESBIAN, LOOK, I CURL MY HAIR”