Tag Archives: ginger

Rebekah Brooks

10 Jul
Rebekah Brooks

Rebekah Brooks

To add to her faults, Rebekah Brooks is meant to be a bit homophobic. The Evening Standard interviewed Chris Bryant, one of the (few) MPs who worked tirelessly to uncover the News Of The World’s phone-hacking. He recounted an experience of meeting Rebekah (then Brooks) at a party or something.

She came up to me and said, ‘Oh, Mr Bryant, it’s after dark — shouldn’t you be on Clapham Common?”

“At which point Ross Kemp [the ex-EastEnders actor and her then husband] said, ‘Shut up, you homophobic cow’.”

However, I think she’s totally worthy of being on this blog, because there’s something so lesbiany about her. So as not to be libellous, the decision to include her here is nothing to do with the rumours (RUMOURS) that suggest (SUGGEST) that her and Ross Kemp were only ever in a marriage of convenience, so that each of them could allegedly (ALLEGEDLY) cover up their respective same-sex dalliances. There are other things that make her sexy to lesbians. Like a Hitchcock vamp, she’s not bosomy or faux-coy, but a cold-hearted bitch. My source says that Brooks “pretended” to cry when she told all NOTW staff that they’d be sacked so as to save her lushly-coiffed head. She’s also incredibly powerful: her resignation was refused by James Murdoch, leading conspiracists to believe that she has “something” on the Murdochs. To have “something” on the man who has a media influence of about 5 billion people is simultaneously scary and sexy (unless you’re French, in which case it’s just sexy).

One of the biggest complaints about the news media last week was launched at the tabloids for their reluctance to give proportional (read: front page) coverage to the phone-hacking scandal. MY biggest complaint is that they’ve failed to treat her how they normally treat women by focusing on a symbiotic link between a woman’s image and her work. If they’d looked solely at her aesthetics, they would have gleaned that:

1. She’s a bit of alright.

2. If you plonk a ginger wig atop Kate Middleton’s lollipop head, you get Rebekah Brooks.

3. It’s not entirely ridiculous to suggest that she could be played by the beautiful Amy Adams in the film all about this. (No surprises as to who Michael Sheen would play. I’m vying for a shar pei in glasses to channel Murdoch.)

4. She is very possibly from a parallel universe where Nicole Kidman didn’t use Botox.

So, we know she’s fit. But is Rebekah’s hair lesbiany? Yes. Why? Because of the 90s. Her hair is massively 90s, and 90s seems to be big in the queer scene right now. Also, she’s powerful and sexy and mean. She might not deserve to retain her role as CEO of News International, but she certainly deserves to be here. We’re crushing hard.

Advertisements

Tilda Swinton

31 May
Tilda Swinton by Craig McDean

Tilda Swinton by Craig McDean (I know, I thought it was Bowie, too)

‘ethereal’

Okay, now I’ve got that one out of the way, we need to talk about Tilda Swinton. In the wake of Cannes’ preview screenings of We Need To Talk About Kevin, people have been fawning all over her, and there’s no wonder why.

The film is going to be sooooo great. Based on Lionel Shriver’s 2003 bestseller of the same name, the epistolary novel is an itchingly unsettling stare-out with the hideous paranoias (and realities) of parenting and being a child. Just as the great Celine Dion says, the book is for all the children in the world and all the parents in the world. That is: fucking everybody. In theory. Funnily enough, the author, Lionel Shriver, doesn’t have any children. It’s easy to see why, though, if her expectations of childrearing are signalled in the book. I’m not sure Tilda is the best person for this role: she seems too stoic, too distant. However, without giving the game away, it’s going to be easier for audience to feel safe from Kevin if his evil is not solely manifested by his nature, but attributable to his nurture/his mother. And I have a sneaking suspicion that Tilda’s not as harsh as she comes across on mainstream celluloid.

If you haven’t already art-wanked over all the Derek Jarman collaborations, you’ll recognise Tilda’s androgynous, razor-featured visage from small, yet integral parts in Hollywood fare such as The Curious Case of Benjamin and The Beach. Oh come on, you definitely know her. She’s snogged both Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio. AND she’s probably the most boyish person George Clooney will admit to snogging – as can be seen in Burn After Reading – and also won an Oscar for another performance alongside the coffee-flogging eternal bachelor, in the fantastic thriller Michael Clayton.

Her sex life is seen as controversial, because she has children with an older man and sex with a younger man and they all live happily in the same wind-whipped mansion up a hill in Scotland. But TBH, it just makes her sexier: that a woman with no obvious interpretation of femininity (just look at the hair) can fuck who she likes, is so refreshing. Even if she’s not sleeping with women, she remains a role model to any woman who is a bit of a misfit, but (unlike Gaga, who wants to paint us all as freaks and monsters), doesn’t self-identify as one.

Her hair sums it all up. Ginger or icy blonde, it’s always a perfect combination of mess and precision.

Prince Harry

2 May
Prince Harry

Prince Harry

Like the other alleged 1999999999 people across the globe, my eyes were glued to the television to watch the nuptials of Prince William and Kate Middleton on Friday.

There’s been some consternation amongst LGBT groups about the wedding, most notably Peter Tatchell, who’s complained that Kate and Will should’ve waited until same-sex couples can marry before tying the knot themselves.
And yeah, there’s something awfully heteronormative about a prince and a miniscule lady getting married and him having a hand about 18 times the size of hers and all the men wearing suits or uniform and all the women in dresses and hats and Elton John and David Furnish being sneered at by certain members of the congregation as they made their way to their seats…
But wasn’t it a beautiful wedding? And…even if you weren’t so sure about its credentials as a genuine display of true love – if you’re certain that the whole thing was timed so as to give the nation something to feel happy about during a time of caustic cuts and ruthless leadership…did you SEE Prince Harry?
First of all, unlike his brother, man has hair. Second of all, he knows just what to do with his hair. Ginger men hardly ever get it right. They’ll wear too much red, or yellow, or be too freckly, or use cheap dye to feign any other hair colour on their head, with their glistening eyebrows and lashes left to brazenly hint at surreptitious strawberry blonde tendencies. Ginger lesbians are the same. Sometimes they just don’t know how to deal with it.
Like a cheeky chappy lesbo, Prince Harry’s got the sexiest demeanour and it really shows through his hair. It’s messy and low-maintenance, but still gorgeous. It’s not the type of hairdo you’d show in a photo to the hairdresser in a bid to replicate it, but a lot of lesbians already have this ‘do – a kind of raffish, lost boys style that requires little effort to get right. Usually as a result of overgrown crew cuts, it’s a great way of expressing a departure from formality, a desire to stray from the norm. Which works equally well both for lesbians and third-in-liners to the throne.

Lindsay Lohan + Sam Ronson

13 Feb
Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson, 2008.

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson, 2008.

Lindsay Lohan’s been back in court this week. The actress, who’s just finished up a session in rehab following a jail stint, has pleaded not guilty to the alleged crime of stealing a necklace. But as she’s still on probabtion for 2007’s DUI, she could be sent daaaan for anything up to three years. Her lawyer’s offered a plea bargain, which means she’ll say she’s guilty in order to avoid a harsh sentence. Which is the weirdest rule ever. Regardless of what happens, I really miss her acting and her and Samantha Ronson being together. How many young lesbian couples were there in the spotlight before these two started hooking up? It’s such a shame that they were hounded by paps and painted as a miserable, argumentative couple. I mean, look how glossy and beautiful their hair was.

Cynthia Nixon + Christine Marinoni

10 Feb
Cynthia Nixon and Christine Marinoni

Cynthia Nixon and Christine Marinoni

Congratulations to Sex and The City star Cynthia Nixon, who announced yesterday that girlfriend Christina Marioni had given birth to a son, Max. Looking at their hair, you can see that Christine is pretty butch. And it’s a shame that some people assume that because Cynthia’s more feminine, she would take on the female role of being pregnant. As one comment on the Daily Mail‘s boards put it:

“I always pictured Cynthia as the “woman” in the relationship. Poor baby, to grow up in such a mixed-up family.”

brosnanfan, USA, 9/2/2011 6:18

It’s such a shame that we’ve already had this argument about Elton John and David Furnish’s baby. But just to hit it home, plenty of straight families without the money to have children still have babies on purpose and by accident. On the flipside, people in same sex relationships aren’t going to have a baby by mistake, and celebrities sure are rich enough to provide financially for their children. Money doesn’t make people happy, but it certainly helps, especially when babies cost over £20,000 to raise in their first five years. I know which family I’d rather be born into.