Tag Archives: lesbian

Ben Whishaw in The Hour

18 Aug

British weather is a joke. But in the summer, as the clouds draw over, festivals and fairs get pissed on, and al of a sudden you’re wearing a coat and shivering whilst inside, at least these grumbles are allayed by ‘the silly season’. When giant rats are found in an estate oop north, or when a whale is found halfway up the Thames, or a donkey is parachuted into the air. Silly season is essentially when parliamentary recess happens and every newspaper’s front 20 pages resemble Metro’s page 3.

However, in this disgusting summer, the whole concept of a silly season lasted for about as long as that 31 degree heatwave. What kicked it off was the convergence of evil journalists, evil politicians, evil police officers in the hacking scandal, sending the world into some sort of tailspin, making everything happen reallyfuckingquickly and giving actual purpose to 24 hour news channels’ ‘BREAKING’ tickers. Bar the recent riots, which were a whole new level of WTF, this persistence of stuff just happening all over the place has been eerily echoed by The Hour. The newsroom thriller about the corrupt triumvirate of police, government and journalists, had The Times columnist Giles Coren musing on Twitter: “wow. journalists, police and politicians all interconnected in a terrible naughty mess. who would have thought?”

The programme had been tipped as the ‘British Mad Men’, but the plaudit fell by the wayside; although The Hour’s costumes seem to be spot on, it lacks Mad Men’s glamour and gloss. All for good reason – the BBC’s budget is a mere splash to HBO’s ocean, and postwar Britain was penniless in comparison to postwar America. But at points it feels as if the grubbiness is not down to a purposeful move away from glamour, but down to unintentional faults. There are some serious continuity howlers as the camera angle switches. Look! There’s Dominic West pouring a bottle of wine. And look! It’s disappeared again.

Almost as fleeting as Dominic West’s bottle of wine was my friend Noo’s turn in the first episode. She had a tough task, playing the nervy society girl who dismantled the story’s equilibrium by coming in and mumbling paranoid tales about ‘them’ and ‘they’. But she did very well, and you can see her this Christmas in the BBC’s adaptation of Great Expectations. Let’s hope she gets given a better fringe this time.

But we’re not here to talk about her fringe. We’re here to talk about Ben Whishaw’s lesbian hair. Lots of people have said that his suit looks far too contemporary, that it could’ve fallen out of a Hedi Slimane collection. The same could be said for his hair, which seems to have been scalped from east London’s finest lesbians. It’s all floppy, like what happens when a girl has a crew cut then it grows out and she can’t be bothered to cut it because it’s still pretty low maintenance and besides she’s sleeping with the ex of the girl who cuts her hair for free and why pay anyway? Yeah, that.

Joey Essex

24 Apr
Joey Essex

Joey Essex

Until two weeks ago, I’d ignored The Only Way Is Essex. In fact, over the past half decade, I’ve ignored all of the quasi-reality shows featuring overindulged young people looked bored by their own inane conversations: The Hills, The City, Jersey ShoreLaguna Beach, everything the Kardashians have done (apart from when Kim got pissed on by Ray J – that piss was for real).

All of these shows were carved in the image of The Simple Life, but pale in comparison. TSL was astounding, not only because Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie are genuinely funny, but because they were taken out of their comfort zones, to experience life with ‘normal Americans’, who, by that very definition, weren’t normal at all. It was Louis Theroux’s Weird Weekends made more digestible for people who like to watch a wall-eyed Tippi Hedren-a-like giggle at the jokes cracked by an 22-year-old ex-heroin addict.

By the time it got to series 5, the formula was tired, and the girls’ respective DUI cases held up filming. Producers decided, then, to do away with the task of getting rich kids to relinquish their vanities and luxuries, and just stick a couple of cameras in front of some rich teenagers in their own habitats, in the hope that at some point, someone would watch. And yeah, people do watch – probably because some people are quite stupid and some people get too nailed on a Saturday night to do anything but fester in front of MTV on Sundays. The cumulative effect of these shows is that audiences now expect actors more wooden than Keanu Reeves’ erections and dialogue as complex as a cheese sandwich [see: Gossip Girl].

TOWIE, though British, and as a result, more accessible, never appealed to me. It seemed as inane as all the American stuff. But I must admit, Joey Essex is something of a wonder. At a recent work placement at a women’s weekly, I was asked to find photos of Joey at clubs. How would I do this? By trawling through every single photo taken in Essex clubs to spot him. Out of thes hordes of perma-tanned blokes decked out in pink pinstripes and beerstains, how would I identify Joey? But of course – the hair!

Most of the male attendees of Brentwood’s Sugar Hut and the like have spiked ‘dos, 2005 indie mops, slapheads, Hoxton fins (REMEMBER?) or revisions of any style John Terry’s kept his 50mg of grey matter warm with. Apart from Joey, who has a gel-free, suave bonce. It’s a perfect lesbian cut, because, well, so many lesbians have hair exactly like it. Lacking in wet-look product, it’s a man’s cut, but it is still dandified, suiting metrosexuals and lesbisexuals alike.

Justin Bieber

22 Feb
Justin Bieber. Credit: Jay DeMarcus

Justin Bieber. Credit: Jay DeMarcus

Well, it was about time. Justin Bieber’s had his floppy lego-hair ‘do switched up, heralding in a new age in lesbieban (no, not Libyan, lesbieban) relations. Instead of lesbians following Justin’s lead by sticking with dated post-emo styles, Justin ‘Sally Field’ Bieber is copying lesbians by getting himself a short back ‘n sides.

It’s arguable that lesbians in turn are copying men with their short haircuts. Expecially considering that so many people think that lesbians perform their sexuality in a masculine way because they all secretly want to be men. And although I quite like Freudian interpretations of modern life – when you dream of trains, you’re certainly dreaming of cocks –  I don’t approve of this one. Lesbians dress like guys, or don’t dress like guys because they dress in what they think looks good. It’s nothing to do with acquiring another set of sexual organs. I mean, how many dykes do you see packing crotch padding? Exactly.

Lindsay Lohan + Sam Ronson

13 Feb
Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson, 2008.

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson, 2008.

Lindsay Lohan’s been back in court this week. The actress, who’s just finished up a session in rehab following a jail stint, has pleaded not guilty to the alleged crime of stealing a necklace. But as she’s still on probabtion for 2007’s DUI, she could be sent daaaan for anything up to three years. Her lawyer’s offered a plea bargain, which means she’ll say she’s guilty in order to avoid a harsh sentence. Which is the weirdest rule ever. Regardless of what happens, I really miss her acting and her and Samantha Ronson being together. How many young lesbian couples were there in the spotlight before these two started hooking up? It’s such a shame that they were hounded by paps and painted as a miserable, argumentative couple. I mean, look how glossy and beautiful their hair was.

Cynthia Nixon + Christine Marinoni

10 Feb
Cynthia Nixon and Christine Marinoni

Cynthia Nixon and Christine Marinoni

Congratulations to Sex and The City star Cynthia Nixon, who announced yesterday that girlfriend Christina Marioni had given birth to a son, Max. Looking at their hair, you can see that Christine is pretty butch. And it’s a shame that some people assume that because Cynthia’s more feminine, she would take on the female role of being pregnant. As one comment on the Daily Mail‘s boards put it:

“I always pictured Cynthia as the “woman” in the relationship. Poor baby, to grow up in such a mixed-up family.”

brosnanfan, USA, 9/2/2011 6:18

It’s such a shame that we’ve already had this argument about Elton John and David Furnish’s baby. But just to hit it home, plenty of straight families without the money to have children still have babies on purpose and by accident. On the flipside, people in same sex relationships aren’t going to have a baby by mistake, and celebrities sure are rich enough to provide financially for their children. Money doesn’t make people happy, but it certainly helps, especially when babies cost over £20,000 to raise in their first five years. I know which family I’d rather be born into.

Shandana Khan

6 Feb
Shandana Khan

Shandana Khan. Credit: Sophie Allen/TheMostCake.co.uk

I haven’t blogged in a while because it was my birthday this weekend. It was Shan’s birthday first, though. When we first met at Melt! Festival near Berlin, we thought it was so cool that our birthdays were so close together. She turned 23 on Thursday (3 Feb) and celebrated it in a drunken manner at Dalston Superstore’s Twat Boutique. Shan lost her whole bag, which contained a camera, her phone and loads of precious belongings. If anyone’s spotted the awol rucksack, please get in touch with her.

She used to be a hairdresser, now she’s doing this ultra-techy videogame degree I can’t begin to understand. Her hair’s been through all sorts of incarnations, and she spent a great deal of her time growing up in Saudi Arabia hiding it with a veil. This isn’t the most recent of photos, but her hair looks like Hitler’s these days AND she lost loads of photos of herself when she lost that camera. :(

Heads Up

1 Feb
Lesbian Hair Card

Lesbian Hair Card for DIS MAgazine

Just like Wayne’s World‘s legendary Suck-Cut showed us, hair doesn’t grow in a vacuum. Ideas don’t grow in a vacuum, either. So I must point out that this blog will serve as a continuation of the above hair card, designed by Marco Roso and Lauren Boyle, two photographers for DIS Magazine. I first read about the project to make a go-to for lesbians visiting the hairdressers in need of something other than a pixie cut in this article by Courtney Gilette on AfterEllen.com, an astounding website looking at media visibility of queer women. It pretty much got me through puberty.

[Thanks to Trish Bendix]

Franky, Skins

29 Jan
Franky (Dakota Blue Richards)

Franky (played by Dakota Blue Richards)

I’ve never been too keen on Skins. Firstly, I feel a bit too old for it. That’s the problem with casting teenagers to play teenagers; I don’t want to care what they’re doing, because as cool as they are, it’s never cool to care about what people younger than you are up to. Secondly, no programme is ever going to top Buffy The Vampire Slayer when it comes to accurate representation of/appropriate metaphors for teenage life. There’s one thing that could get me to watch the first episode of the madly hyped new series, though. And that’s Franky. Ok, bit harsh to call her a ‘thing’, but knowing the series’ penchant for ticking LGBT boxes, it seems it’s gearing up to add the T. Her hair is perfectly androgynous, yet classic; this could be a promo shot for the teen Tipping the Velvet.