Tag Archives: long

Rebekah Brooks

10 Jul
Rebekah Brooks

Rebekah Brooks

To add to her faults, Rebekah Brooks is meant to be a bit homophobic. The Evening Standard interviewed Chris Bryant, one of the (few) MPs who worked tirelessly to uncover the News Of The World’s phone-hacking. He recounted an experience of meeting Rebekah (then Brooks) at a party or something.

She came up to me and said, ‘Oh, Mr Bryant, it’s after dark — shouldn’t you be on Clapham Common?”

“At which point Ross Kemp [the ex-EastEnders actor and her then husband] said, ‘Shut up, you homophobic cow’.”

However, I think she’s totally worthy of being on this blog, because there’s something so lesbiany about her. So as not to be libellous, the decision to include her here is nothing to do with the rumours (RUMOURS) that suggest (SUGGEST) that her and Ross Kemp were only ever in a marriage of convenience, so that each of them could allegedly (ALLEGEDLY) cover up their respective same-sex dalliances. There are other things that make her sexy to lesbians. Like a Hitchcock vamp, she’s not bosomy or faux-coy, but a cold-hearted bitch. My source says that Brooks “pretended” to cry when she told all NOTW staff that they’d be sacked so as to save her lushly-coiffed head. She’s also incredibly powerful: her resignation was refused by James Murdoch, leading conspiracists to believe that she has “something” on the Murdochs. To have “something” on the man who has a media influence of about 5 billion people is simultaneously scary and sexy (unless you’re French, in which case it’s just sexy).

One of the biggest complaints about the news media last week was launched at the tabloids for their reluctance to give proportional (read: front page) coverage to the phone-hacking scandal. MY biggest complaint is that they’ve failed to treat her how they normally treat women by focusing on a symbiotic link between a woman’s image and her work. If they’d looked solely at her aesthetics, they would have gleaned that:

1. She’s a bit of alright.

2. If you plonk a ginger wig atop Kate Middleton’s lollipop head, you get Rebekah Brooks.

3. It’s not entirely ridiculous to suggest that she could be played by the beautiful Amy Adams in the film all about this. (No surprises as to who Michael Sheen would play. I’m vying for a shar pei in glasses to channel Murdoch.)

4. She is very possibly from a parallel universe where Nicole Kidman didn’t use Botox.

So, we know she’s fit. But is Rebekah’s hair lesbiany? Yes. Why? Because of the 90s. Her hair is massively 90s, and 90s seems to be big in the queer scene right now. Also, she’s powerful and sexy and mean. She might not deserve to retain her role as CEO of News International, but she certainly deserves to be here. We’re crushing hard.

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Theresa Wayman of Warpaint

27 Jun
Theresa Wayman by Brodie Ukitake

Theresa Wayman by Brodie Ukitake

Growing your hair out’s a bitch. But an end result half as good as Theresa Wayman’s could probably be the best incentive to go through that naff stage where everyone’s comparing you to Nick Carter/Anthea Turner/Celine Dion circa 1994. The multi-instrumentalist and vocalist for Los Angeles murmur-rockers Warpaint most probably isn’t a lesbian (although our gaydar suggests otherwise, our sources insist on her heterosexuality), but she’s got this swagger. Her charisma and her hair (and perhaps her slightly toned down grungey music) hearkens back to Kurt Cobain, who similarly covered his face up with straggly, hair when he sang, yet, similarly, didn’t look as if he smelt too bad. Theresa looks as if she smells really pretty, but still has masculine, un-pampered locks. When all too many girls are going for the little Sikh-boy bun on top of the head, or dip-dyeing their roots bright pink, she’s just letting it all hang out, which is sexy. Julie Burchill once said that a woman behind a guitar looks as unnatural as a dog on a bicycle, but tbh, I think dogs on bicycles look awesome, as does Theresa Wayman. Whenever she plays, she doesn’t only look natural, but totally in command. If Julie had seen Warpaint at Glastonbury, she would be eating so many of her own hats – fedoras, trilbies, sunhats, whatever hat she has – that she’d be hauled up by ITV to talk about her fabric-munching ordeal on This Morning. And she’d weep while clinging to the sofa, trembling and moaning in her soft voice: ‘Oh, Schofe, I just… I just. Didn’t realise how wrong I was!’ in-between gobfuls of shirt.

NB Honourable mentions to the rest of Warpaint. Who are fantastic.

Daisy Lowe

7 Mar
Daisy Lowe

Daisy Lowe

Daisy Lowe, model and love-child of one-time gay, Gavin Rossdale, has come out and said she is a ‘mild lesbian’.

In the interview with, er, GQ, She said she’s crushing on Kelly Brook and banged on about how women have beautiful shapes.

I’m sure this doesn’t mean that she’s going to be interested in me, what with my appearance regularly causing cashiers at Tesco to call me ‘sir’, but I poked her on Facebook regardlesss. Short of a successful come-on, it’s part of a grander scheme to bring Facebook poking back. Poking is a wonderful way to annoy people/ let them know you’re keen.

Her hair isn’t lesbiany, but hey, it is the lesbian maketh the hair, not the hair which maketh the lesbian. And it’s really hot (and before you think ‘in an obvious way’, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being hot in an obvious way).

Lindsay Lohan + Sam Ronson

13 Feb
Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson, 2008.

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson, 2008.

Lindsay Lohan’s been back in court this week. The actress, who’s just finished up a session in rehab following a jail stint, has pleaded not guilty to the alleged crime of stealing a necklace. But as she’s still on probabtion for 2007’s DUI, she could be sent daaaan for anything up to three years. Her lawyer’s offered a plea bargain, which means she’ll say she’s guilty in order to avoid a harsh sentence. Which is the weirdest rule ever. Regardless of what happens, I really miss her acting and her and Samantha Ronson being together. How many young lesbian couples were there in the spotlight before these two started hooking up? It’s such a shame that they were hounded by paps and painted as a miserable, argumentative couple. I mean, look how glossy and beautiful their hair was.