Tag Archives: shaggy

Boris Johnson

3 Apr
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson

This week, Boris Johnson was on BBC Question Time to talk about how the world is going to shit. Each week on QT, there’s someone sitting in the ‘cunt chair’. The chair moves, but essentially, there’s always a cunt on the show. Be it Danny Alexander, Nick Griffin or Kelvin MacKenzie. This week, it seemed as if Boris was in the cunt chair (he was the only Conservative who didn’t look like a mouse there).

But, as much as his party’s policies are as comfortable as a lemon-juice enema, his rhetoric is astounding. He’s quick witted without trying and can dig himself out of the stickiest situations. I saw him at People’s Question Time in Camden last year and he was hilarious. The fair Mayor of London didn’t know his microphone was on throughout the meeting, so the whole hall was treated to his blustering insults, (mostly aimed at RMT union members) ‘poppycock’ ‘tosh’ ‘oh grow up’. His hair had just been cut, especially for the event – another GLA member actually mentioned this – and he kept on burying his bonce in his hands. If any other politician was seen with their head in their hands, it would be front-page news, indicative of some sort of breakdown. But when Bozza does it, it’s just him being his idiosyncratic self.

This messy style would look great lesbians’ heads. We’ve seen an intense specificity in hairstyles over the past 7 years – Emos, you have a lot to answer for. But really, what’s sexier, the person who spends hours carefully straightening, gelling, bouffing, back-combing their hair, or the person with shaggy, imperfect bed-head? The hair makes a scarily powerful buffoon look approachable. It could work for you, too.

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Michelle Rodriguez

13 Mar
Michelle Rodriguez

Michelle Rodriguez

This fiery latina has got in trouble from the lesbian community recently. At the premiere of her new film, Battle: Los Angeles, she told a reporter from RumorFix.com that she’d like everyone to know:

“I’m not a lesbian. Yeah! Mitchie likes sausage.”

This is despite a pretty obvious thaaang going on with Kristanna Loken. You know, the out actress who appeared on The L Word. And if you’ve seen anything Michelle’s been in (Lost, Blue Crush, Avatar) , you’ll be sure she’s gay. She’s butch enough to make Chuck Norris look like Kurt out of Glee. Obvs, though, it’s not for me to determine/announce someone’s sexuality, so let’s just say she’s one of those people who isn’t comfortable with being labelled. This can be shown by her hair; it’s that perfect pseudo-straight girl hair. It’s long, assuring us that she’s not gay, but it’s prone to ponytails. When ponytails are done so low on the head, you can only assume that the wearer is either a member of Status Quo or a massive lesbian.

Shandana Khan

6 Feb
Shandana Khan

Shandana Khan. Credit: Sophie Allen/TheMostCake.co.uk

I haven’t blogged in a while because it was my birthday this weekend. It was Shan’s birthday first, though. When we first met at Melt! Festival near Berlin, we thought it was so cool that our birthdays were so close together. She turned 23 on Thursday (3 Feb) and celebrated it in a drunken manner at Dalston Superstore’s Twat Boutique. Shan lost her whole bag, which contained a camera, her phone and loads of precious belongings. If anyone’s spotted the awol rucksack, please get in touch with her.

She used to be a hairdresser, now she’s doing this ultra-techy videogame degree I can’t begin to understand. Her hair’s been through all sorts of incarnations, and she spent a great deal of her time growing up in Saudi Arabia hiding it with a veil. This isn’t the most recent of photos, but her hair looks like Hitler’s these days AND she lost loads of photos of herself when she lost that camera. :(