Tag Archives: short

Tilda Swinton

31 May
Tilda Swinton by Craig McDean

Tilda Swinton by Craig McDean (I know, I thought it was Bowie, too)

‘ethereal’

Okay, now I’ve got that one out of the way, we need to talk about Tilda Swinton. In the wake of Cannes’ preview screenings of We Need To Talk About Kevin, people have been fawning all over her, and there’s no wonder why.

The film is going to be sooooo great. Based on Lionel Shriver’s 2003 bestseller of the same name, the epistolary novel is an itchingly unsettling stare-out with the hideous paranoias (and realities) of parenting and being a child. Just as the great Celine Dion says, the book is for all the children in the world and all the parents in the world. That is: fucking everybody. In theory. Funnily enough, the author, Lionel Shriver, doesn’t have any children. It’s easy to see why, though, if her expectations of childrearing are signalled in the book. I’m not sure Tilda is the best person for this role: she seems too stoic, too distant. However, without giving the game away, it’s going to be easier for audience to feel safe from Kevin if his evil is not solely manifested by his nature, but attributable to his nurture/his mother. And I have a sneaking suspicion that Tilda’s not as harsh as she comes across on mainstream celluloid.

If you haven’t already art-wanked over all the Derek Jarman collaborations, you’ll recognise Tilda’s androgynous, razor-featured visage from small, yet integral parts in Hollywood fare such as The Curious Case of Benjamin and The Beach. Oh come on, you definitely know her. She’s snogged both Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio. AND she’s probably the most boyish person George Clooney will admit to snogging – as can be seen in Burn After Reading – and also won an Oscar for another performance alongside the coffee-flogging eternal bachelor, in the fantastic thriller Michael Clayton.

Her sex life is seen as controversial, because she has children with an older man and sex with a younger man and they all live happily in the same wind-whipped mansion up a hill in Scotland. But TBH, it just makes her sexier: that a woman with no obvious interpretation of femininity (just look at the hair) can fuck who she likes, is so refreshing. Even if she’s not sleeping with women, she remains a role model to any woman who is a bit of a misfit, but (unlike Gaga, who wants to paint us all as freaks and monsters), doesn’t self-identify as one.

Her hair sums it all up. Ginger or icy blonde, it’s always a perfect combination of mess and precision.

Prince Harry

2 May
Prince Harry

Prince Harry

Like the other alleged 1999999999 people across the globe, my eyes were glued to the television to watch the nuptials of Prince William and Kate Middleton on Friday.

There’s been some consternation amongst LGBT groups about the wedding, most notably Peter Tatchell, who’s complained that Kate and Will should’ve waited until same-sex couples can marry before tying the knot themselves.
And yeah, there’s something awfully heteronormative about a prince and a miniscule lady getting married and him having a hand about 18 times the size of hers and all the men wearing suits or uniform and all the women in dresses and hats and Elton John and David Furnish being sneered at by certain members of the congregation as they made their way to their seats…
But wasn’t it a beautiful wedding? And…even if you weren’t so sure about its credentials as a genuine display of true love – if you’re certain that the whole thing was timed so as to give the nation something to feel happy about during a time of caustic cuts and ruthless leadership…did you SEE Prince Harry?
First of all, unlike his brother, man has hair. Second of all, he knows just what to do with his hair. Ginger men hardly ever get it right. They’ll wear too much red, or yellow, or be too freckly, or use cheap dye to feign any other hair colour on their head, with their glistening eyebrows and lashes left to brazenly hint at surreptitious strawberry blonde tendencies. Ginger lesbians are the same. Sometimes they just don’t know how to deal with it.
Like a cheeky chappy lesbo, Prince Harry’s got the sexiest demeanour and it really shows through his hair. It’s messy and low-maintenance, but still gorgeous. It’s not the type of hairdo you’d show in a photo to the hairdresser in a bid to replicate it, but a lot of lesbians already have this ‘do – a kind of raffish, lost boys style that requires little effort to get right. Usually as a result of overgrown crew cuts, it’s a great way of expressing a departure from formality, a desire to stray from the norm. Which works equally well both for lesbians and third-in-liners to the throne.

Boris Johnson

3 Apr
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson

This week, Boris Johnson was on BBC Question Time to talk about how the world is going to shit. Each week on QT, there’s someone sitting in the ‘cunt chair’. The chair moves, but essentially, there’s always a cunt on the show. Be it Danny Alexander, Nick Griffin or Kelvin MacKenzie. This week, it seemed as if Boris was in the cunt chair (he was the only Conservative who didn’t look like a mouse there).

But, as much as his party’s policies are as comfortable as a lemon-juice enema, his rhetoric is astounding. He’s quick witted without trying and can dig himself out of the stickiest situations. I saw him at People’s Question Time in Camden last year and he was hilarious. The fair Mayor of London didn’t know his microphone was on throughout the meeting, so the whole hall was treated to his blustering insults, (mostly aimed at RMT union members) ‘poppycock’ ‘tosh’ ‘oh grow up’. His hair had just been cut, especially for the event – another GLA member actually mentioned this – and he kept on burying his bonce in his hands. If any other politician was seen with their head in their hands, it would be front-page news, indicative of some sort of breakdown. But when Bozza does it, it’s just him being his idiosyncratic self.

This messy style would look great lesbians’ heads. We’ve seen an intense specificity in hairstyles over the past 7 years – Emos, you have a lot to answer for. But really, what’s sexier, the person who spends hours carefully straightening, gelling, bouffing, back-combing their hair, or the person with shaggy, imperfect bed-head? The hair makes a scarily powerful buffoon look approachable. It could work for you, too.

Robyn

8 Mar
Robyn

Robyn

To celebrate International Women’s Day, the Guardian put together a list of their top 100 women. Quite a few are eligible for this blog, too. However, let’s give a shout out to Robyn, who’s recently had to postpone a couple of gigs in the UK due to health issues. GET BETTER, REEZY (?).

Instead of pestering her PR for tickets to see the peppy Swede play the Roundhouse last week, I went to Twat Boutique, which is certainly living up to its name these days. Lots of angry ladies staring bitchez down, and rumour has it someone went apeshit and punched a car.

Women, we are not animals. Let’s shape up a bit. Imagine if Robyn had turned up after her gig to find a bunch of bitchy schoolgirls running riot instead of the creative-minded, free-spirited chillers we purport to be?

Of course, the official line is that Robyn wouldn’t come to a lesbian night, because she’s not a lesbian. But her hair is begging to differ so hard that it’s just bought me dinner and it’s sucking my toes.

EDIT: Appaz Robyn WAS at Twat Boutique last week. So let’s sincerely hope she didn’t see all the dyke dramz going on.

Justin Bieber

22 Feb
Justin Bieber. Credit: Jay DeMarcus

Justin Bieber. Credit: Jay DeMarcus

Well, it was about time. Justin Bieber’s had his floppy lego-hair ‘do switched up, heralding in a new age in lesbieban (no, not Libyan, lesbieban) relations. Instead of lesbians following Justin’s lead by sticking with dated post-emo styles, Justin ‘Sally Field’ Bieber is copying lesbians by getting himself a short back ‘n sides.

It’s arguable that lesbians in turn are copying men with their short haircuts. Expecially considering that so many people think that lesbians perform their sexuality in a masculine way because they all secretly want to be men. And although I quite like Freudian interpretations of modern life – when you dream of trains, you’re certainly dreaming of cocks –  I don’t approve of this one. Lesbians dress like guys, or don’t dress like guys because they dress in what they think looks good. It’s nothing to do with acquiring another set of sexual organs. I mean, how many dykes do you see packing crotch padding? Exactly.

Cynthia Nixon + Christine Marinoni

10 Feb
Cynthia Nixon and Christine Marinoni

Cynthia Nixon and Christine Marinoni

Congratulations to Sex and The City star Cynthia Nixon, who announced yesterday that girlfriend Christina Marioni had given birth to a son, Max. Looking at their hair, you can see that Christine is pretty butch. And it’s a shame that some people assume that because Cynthia’s more feminine, she would take on the female role of being pregnant. As one comment on the Daily Mail‘s boards put it:

“I always pictured Cynthia as the “woman” in the relationship. Poor baby, to grow up in such a mixed-up family.”

brosnanfan, USA, 9/2/2011 6:18

It’s such a shame that we’ve already had this argument about Elton John and David Furnish’s baby. But just to hit it home, plenty of straight families without the money to have children still have babies on purpose and by accident. On the flipside, people in same sex relationships aren’t going to have a baby by mistake, and celebrities sure are rich enough to provide financially for their children. Money doesn’t make people happy, but it certainly helps, especially when babies cost over £20,000 to raise in their first five years. I know which family I’d rather be born into.

Shandana Khan

6 Feb
Shandana Khan

Shandana Khan. Credit: Sophie Allen/TheMostCake.co.uk

I haven’t blogged in a while because it was my birthday this weekend. It was Shan’s birthday first, though. When we first met at Melt! Festival near Berlin, we thought it was so cool that our birthdays were so close together. She turned 23 on Thursday (3 Feb) and celebrated it in a drunken manner at Dalston Superstore’s Twat Boutique. Shan lost her whole bag, which contained a camera, her phone and loads of precious belongings. If anyone’s spotted the awol rucksack, please get in touch with her.

She used to be a hairdresser, now she’s doing this ultra-techy videogame degree I can’t begin to understand. Her hair’s been through all sorts of incarnations, and she spent a great deal of her time growing up in Saudi Arabia hiding it with a veil. This isn’t the most recent of photos, but her hair looks like Hitler’s these days AND she lost loads of photos of herself when she lost that camera. :(