Tag Archives: straight girls

Tilda Swinton

31 May
Tilda Swinton by Craig McDean

Tilda Swinton by Craig McDean (I know, I thought it was Bowie, too)

‘ethereal’

Okay, now I’ve got that one out of the way, we need to talk about Tilda Swinton. In the wake of Cannes’ preview screenings of We Need To Talk About Kevin, people have been fawning all over her, and there’s no wonder why.

The film is going to be sooooo great. Based on Lionel Shriver’s 2003 bestseller of the same name, the epistolary novel is an itchingly unsettling stare-out with the hideous paranoias (and realities) of parenting and being a child. Just as the great Celine Dion says, the book is for all the children in the world and all the parents in the world. That is: fucking everybody. In theory. Funnily enough, the author, Lionel Shriver, doesn’t have any children. It’s easy to see why, though, if her expectations of childrearing are signalled in the book. I’m not sure Tilda is the best person for this role: she seems too stoic, too distant. However, without giving the game away, it’s going to be easier for audience to feel safe from Kevin if his evil is not solely manifested by his nature, but attributable to his nurture/his mother. And I have a sneaking suspicion that Tilda’s not as harsh as she comes across on mainstream celluloid.

If you haven’t already art-wanked over all the Derek Jarman collaborations, you’ll recognise Tilda’s androgynous, razor-featured visage from small, yet integral parts in Hollywood fare such as The Curious Case of Benjamin and The Beach. Oh come on, you definitely know her. She’s snogged both Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio. AND she’s probably the most boyish person George Clooney will admit to snogging – as can be seen in Burn After Reading – and also won an Oscar for another performance alongside the coffee-flogging eternal bachelor, in the fantastic thriller Michael Clayton.

Her sex life is seen as controversial, because she has children with an older man and sex with a younger man and they all live happily in the same wind-whipped mansion up a hill in Scotland. But TBH, it just makes her sexier: that a woman with no obvious interpretation of femininity (just look at the hair) can fuck who she likes, is so refreshing. Even if she’s not sleeping with women, she remains a role model to any woman who is a bit of a misfit, but (unlike Gaga, who wants to paint us all as freaks and monsters), doesn’t self-identify as one.

Her hair sums it all up. Ginger or icy blonde, it’s always a perfect combination of mess and precision.

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Ellen Page

11 Apr
Ellen Page

Ellen Page

One of the cutest videos ever has just been uploaded onto YouTube. No, it’s not a fainting kitten, it’s Ellen Page juggling. Ellen Page has kind of fallen off my radar since Inception scared me so much I couldn’t sleep alone for weeks. I worry that she’s not going to do enough films and then suddenly age and her cutesy, doll-like face will look really weird as she becomes a proper adult. Like Michelle Trachtenburg – she’s got one faces which reminds you that she was hotter when she was 16 and that’s really creepy.

The magic to Ellen Page is that she’s pretty, but not scary pretty like Christina Ricci. In interviews and her roles, she comes across as intelligent, charming and kooky. Intelligent in a Winona Ryder way. Not kooky in a Chloe Sevigny-will-suck-a-cock-and-it’s-art way, but in a genuinely “I don’t care about looking good for guys” way. And even that’s not in a Kristen “I’m dating R-Patts so I will just wear whatever shit I find on my floor” Stewart way.

If there was a Venn diagram with Chloe Sevigny, Winona Ryder,Christina Ricci and Kristen Stewart all represented as circles and they all crossed over at a particular locus, then I would put that Venn diagram in the bin as a symbol of my wholehearted acknowledgment that it’s reductive to describe women as amalgamations of other women.

Ellen doesn’t conform to a traditional gender role of femininity – she wears boys clothes, isn’t afraid to express her intelligence and doesn’t spend hours each day making herself aesthetically more appealing for men. Yeah, it’s a shame that as soon as a woman doesn’t put makeup on in the mornings, people question her sexuality, but with all the lezzing about her and Drew Barrymore did during the promotional tour for Whip It, can we be blamed for wondering/wishing?

There’s more to it than that. She’s got the perfect nonchalant lesbian hair down. Or up. It’s almost non-descript and rubbish, but women who’re into femmes still adore her, because she is blessed with one of the prettiest faces this side of the catwalk. When her hair’s done all big for photoshoots for mainstream media, she’s detestably pretty. So this boring hair is exactly what’s needed to give Ellen a semblance of normalcy- it complements her face, uglifying her and making her accessible and friendly.

Daisy Lowe

7 Mar
Daisy Lowe

Daisy Lowe

Daisy Lowe, model and love-child of one-time gay, Gavin Rossdale, has come out and said she is a ‘mild lesbian’.

In the interview with, er, GQ, She said she’s crushing on Kelly Brook and banged on about how women have beautiful shapes.

I’m sure this doesn’t mean that she’s going to be interested in me, what with my appearance regularly causing cashiers at Tesco to call me ‘sir’, but I poked her on Facebook regardlesss. Short of a successful come-on, it’s part of a grander scheme to bring Facebook poking back. Poking is a wonderful way to annoy people/ let them know you’re keen.

Her hair isn’t lesbiany, but hey, it is the lesbian maketh the hair, not the hair which maketh the lesbian. And it’s really hot (and before you think ‘in an obvious way’, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being hot in an obvious way).

Tara Antonia

14 Feb
Tara Antonia

Tara Antonia

This is my friend Tara Antonia. Every time I look at Emma Watson, I think of how Tara does it better. Sorry ladies, she’s straight, and she’s pretty selective about who can view her Facebook, but if you REALLY want to check more of her work out, she played an angel in a cult film called Exitz and completely outshone Vicky McClure in Plan B’s video for She Said. One of my favourite things about Tara is that she is so aloof that she never even told anyone she’d be in the video.

Sarah Hicks

28 Jan
Sarah Hicks

Sarah Hicks. Credit: Dolly Alderton/Facebook

Sarah is not a lesbian, but she has lesbian hair, just like Nick Carter had lesbian hair.